


Focus on Me

by Charlie Rotanev (Immerghensi)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Glam Rock, M/M, Rock Stars, Rock and Roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-09 08:35:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18913378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immerghensi/pseuds/Charlie%20Rotanev
Summary: Kihyun has never been big on the whole 'praise god oh holy on high' stuff but he will give credit where credit is due, and really that whole business leading the choir for two hours straight since the age his father realized he had a pair of Pavarotti-quality lungs has done wonders preparing him to be a rockstar.Monsta X/Struts Crossover





	1. BODY TALKS

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mrtvejpes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrtvejpes/gifts).



> -Kihyun is Luke  
> -Hyungwon is Jed  
> -Minhyuk is Adam  
> -Jooheon is Gethin  
> -Changkyun is tired

Hyungwon has full control of the crowd with his [baseline.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc3XIbUuTMc) The audience is captivated, waiting with bated breath, anticipation a cool hand guiding them down a gaslamp alley. In front, Kihyun looks off to the left, snapping.

 

_1_

_2_

Wait...

.

.

.

Go.

 

_Your eyes follow like a spotlight_

_Two eyes like the sun_

 

The only lights on them are the ones buried in the floor which cast shadow on their eyes and mouths. Kihyun tilts his head back.

 

_When you flick your hair like you don’t care_

_And you're asking where I’m from_

 

Where did Changkyun go…..

 

_That game that you’re runnin’, baby,_

_You’ve already won_

 

Is he watching?

 

_I need to know, know, know_

_What you need, need, need_

_What you like, like, like_

 

Perfect, he is.

 

_‘Cause I’m gonna be it tonight_

 

There’s a light flickering on top of the middle camera, but even when it’s above a different one he tries to keep his focus on it. That’s the one Changkyun is behind, and this song is for him. It's entirely possible that he doesn't know that yet, but Kihyun really  _really_ hopes he does. 

 

_You can pretend you don't wanna know_

_But I read the signs from your head to your toes_

_You don't need to say a word_

_Wooh! Wooh!_

_Your body talks_

 

_Your lips are a conversation_

_That face is a song_

Kihyun takes the mic off the stand. 

 

_If it’s my imagination_

_Stop me if I’m wrong_

 

_I need to know, know, know_

_What you need, need, need_

 

Kihyun makes eye contact with Changkyun, licks his lip, and smirks.

 

_‘Cause I’m gonna be it tonight_

 

_You can be cool, you can by shy_

_Say what you want, say what you like_

 

Minhyuk’s bandana is waving in his periphery. Good. The crowd is eating right out of his hand. He moves with his tremendous energy as though this were just the start of their concert and not the midnight encore. The man jumps on top of the platform in back to serenade their drummer. 

 

 

_Yeah you don't need to say a word_

_Wooh! Wooh!_

_Your body talks_

 

Kihyun finds Changkyun typing into one of the analog computers, one of those old sci-fi-looking things that someone like him has no business messing with. His eyes flick back and forth between his work and their musical interlude, and for a moment Kihyun thinks that he has this one in the bag and that maybe after this performance he can shoot his shot and actually hit his mark. He dances around to keep himself pumped, first engaging with one end of the crowd and then running over to the other. Minhyuk is doing his guitar solo- he's never heard this version but that's typical because the only thing written in their notes is MINHYUK in big bold letters with three lines underneath. 

 

Hyungwon pulls him out of his daze by leaning against him.

 

_Wooh!_

_Your body talks!_

_Your body talks!_

 

Right. Music.

 

_Wooh!_

_Your body talks!_

 

Deep breath. Quiet. 

"Sing it with me!"

 

 

In the back, a flash goes off from their photographer. It shines light on the higher-up staff members, the ones who were in charge of sales and the other boring adult stuff. Their stage manager, Wonho, leaves with his phone held up to his ear like he usually does. Someone is whispering into Changkyun's ear and making his beautiful lips tighten into a line and Kihyun has to force himself to look away before he misses the next verse. He can't mess up now- he's gotta impress. 

 

_You don't need to say a word_

_Wooh! Wooh!_

_Your body talks!_

 

Jooheon is standing for the last chorus. He’s singing at the top of his lungs but there are no microphones near him so his voice is drowned out by Kihyun’s crooning and HyungHyuk’s collective backup vocalizing. All of the behind-the-scenes crews are dancing and setting off their various effects all at the same time. There's fire and strobe light and hell, this is a closing for the ages. 

 

_You! You!_

_Shake your hips!_

_Yeah, whoo! Whoo!_

_Suck your lips!_

 

Kihyun pushes his damp hair back; winks at the camera and the man behind it. 

 

_Wooh! Wooh!_

_Your body talks!_

Kihyun is standing with a fist raised above him, victorious like he was meant to be. They hold hands (it’s kind of gross but they’ll complain about it later) to take a final bow.

 

“Thank you so much for coming to see us, New York! We love you!”

 

Cheers, applause, almost deafening but they've been standing between wall-sized amps for the past two hours and they can barely hear themselves. Jooheon underhand-throws his sticks into the crowd while Minhyuk and Hyungwon throw their picks. Hands join together, looser.

They bow again, then, darkness.


	2. COULD HAVE BEEN ME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun is doing his best, which is to say not too great.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our musical guest for tonight, The Monsters!" 

 

Jooheoon counts them off with his sticks. On the count of four, Minhyuk and Hyungwon [blast their first notes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6xpLc4r1Jw). 

 

_Don't wanna live as an untold story_

_I'd rather go out in a blaze of glory_

 

Being a performer has two main perks, one of them being able to dance around and sing with his friends like a group of 12 year old's.

 

_I’ll live now ‘cause the bad die last_

_Dodging bullets with your broken past_

 

Kihyun takes a breath and bends to get a better angle with his microphone.

The other is being able to get anyone he wants. They’re rockstars- fans practically storm them whenever they’re on the move. It’s nice. Or at least it used to be nice until about four months ago, and now it’s a nuisance. When they call his name, he doesn’t hear them. When they ask for pictures with him, he doesn’t see them. There’s only one person who’s caught his eye.  

 

_I wanna taste love and pain_

_I wanna feel pride and shame_

 

And that person is standing less than 100 yards away and damn, it couldn’t feel like they were any farther apart.

 

_I wanna live better days_

_Never look back and say_

_It could have been me_

_It could have been me_

 

Sigh.

 

Kihyun looks at the main camera moving closer. 

Cue, one Im Changkyun, the bane of Kihyun's existence. And by the bane of his existence Kihyun means he wants to lay down and perish every time their eyes meet because he wants to take the kid on a date so badly but he's so stubborn, and Kihyun has an unreasonable suspicion whenever he gets a whiff of happiness. Sometime during his distraction, Minhyuk climbed on top of one of the amps so he could jump down at this very moment, startling all of them. He stumbles his way back across the stage.

 

_I can't fear you_

_I don't hear you now_

_Wrapped in your regret_

_What a waste of blood and sweat_

_Wooaaoh!_

 

Psssht, it’s whatever. He’s living the life! He has the world in his palm! He can be a primadonna and everyone just rolls with it. Hell, he wears leather pants out in public and people start crying. He doesn’t need the cameraman, there are tons of other people out there fishing, and Kihyun is one hell of a catch. There's no use dwelling on the past, or on this. He should move on. People will come and go and so will this feeling. Regret is a wild beast, one he doesn't want to entertain. 

 

_It could have been me_

_It could have been me_

 

…

……

……...

Ugh…

Who is he kidding?

 

A hand lowered by the head camera tech's side motions 'up'. Immediately, the lights intensify into beams of off white and blue. A disco ball appears from nowhere. The crowd sings the chorus back even louder, and from here it almost sounds like a mockery. Minhyuk and Hyungwon are by his side with their arms around him, pulling him into their sway. 

 

_I wanna live better days_

_Never look back and say_

_It could have been me_

_It could have been me_

 

Changkyun has never spared him a second look. The only time they make eye contact is during a performance and it's when he's piloting a camera. The professionalism is unbearable. He’s so weak for Changkyun and he likes it so much. Kihyun has one entire muse all to himself, one that Minhyuk doesn’t want because he’s  only got eyes for Jooheon and Hyungwon doesn’t want because he’s only interested in his cat. So there’s no competition, which is excellent because Kihyun is known to be something of a swamp monster when it comes to competition. And this is for sure a competition he’s going to win.

 

_It could have been me_

_It could have been me_

 

It might take a long time. It might take an eternity, but he IS going to get him.

Probably.

Hopefully.

 

Kihyun finds himself waving, leading their bow. "Thank you so much for having us!" 

 

Please, to all the powers out there, let him have this beautiful boy.

 

**

 

The PR team confiscated their phones within four seconds of them getting back to the hotel, one second for each member. It’s supposed to help make them less self conscious about their performance quality but Kihyun has always been a curious sort of cat and Minhyuk has the delayed gratification tolerance of a golden retriever puppy so they booted up their laptops and start searching around.  Which has led to this moment, where they're laughing over memes of themselves that they've been tagged in and saving them for later. They have plans to let Kihyun play the bass and while Jooheon sings at their next show, just for fun and to see if anyone actually takes all five shots for it.

 

Monsters Drinking Game

-Take one shot if Kihyun holds a high note for longer than 5 seconds

-Take one shot if Minhyuk does a guitar solo and ends up on the floor

-Take three shots if Jooheon stands during the bridge

-Take one shot if anyone shows abs

 

 _reply_ : so what you're saying is you want me to die

 

The rest of the posts are more suggestions

 

 _reply_ : two shots if Hyungwon doesn't make it back to the mic in time for the last chorus

 _reply_ : one shot if someone accidentally throws something/someone off the stage

 _reply_ : oh come on that was only once

 

Changkyun comes in with a  _knock knock knock_ on those perfect hands of his and Kihyun straightens to attention. 

 

“Good job today. You’re in the clear until tomorrow night.”

 

He closes the door to signify the end of the one-sided conversation/PSA but Kihyun runs after him like a beagle. The other members sigh heavily. Kihyun slows to a trot and then to a walk as he falls in place next to the cameraman. 

 

“Are you in the clear until tomorrow night?” Kihyun asks in the kind of tone usually followed by finger guns. That was definitely not how he wanted it to go, 11/10 on the intent, 0/20 on the execution, but now that the words are out of his mouth he’s just going to have to roll with it.

 

“Just because I am does not mean I will sleep with you, Yoo. Just remember that.”

 

"I mean I’m just looking to take you on a date, maybe get some dinner, stargaze on a hill, but I’ll take whatever I can get."

 

He receives only a pat on the shoulder and a consolatory smile. "You should be more careful with your image. Wonho wouldn't be pleased if he woke up to the tabloids clawing their way into his email."

 

“He's more than capable of dealing with it. On a scale of one to ten, what are my chances?”

 

And Changkyun has the audacity to _laugh_. “A loose cannon playboy like you? No thanks, I’ll pass. You’re a solid zero, my friend.”

 

Kihyun doesn't have a smartass remark for that.

 

**

 

Changkyun walks away from the exchange trying so, so hard not to smile, but ends up chewing on his lip as he moves out of sight. The other members of his department will know there’s something up. They’re think he’s the cat who got the cream (like many of them probably have) and that’s the last thing he wants.

 

He shakes down his giddiness. Professionalism. Make them think you're better. No weaknesses. No mercy.

 

The decision to not take Kihyun up on his tempting offer is purely from observation and Changkyun’s supreme reluctance to take risks despite encouraging others to do just that. What would the point be? Kihyun has bagged tons of people- he wouldn’t have a problem bringing Changkyun home, having one good night with him, and crossing him off on his list of conquests. And Changkyun…. No, he can't put his heart on the line like that. Besides- this whole waltz they're dancing is amusing, if Kihyun's effort is proof enough. That look of disbelief and determination wears well on him.

 

But his voice, his _VOICE_ , it's the right combination of raspy and powerful and he could listen to it all day. He won't admit it, and he definitely won't let anyone on his phone, but Kihyun's voice has been playing in his ear almost continuously since he got the email about working tech for them. It's to the point where he dreams of it even on nights when he doesn't fall asleep with an earbud in, and on the nights where he does, he wakes up with a start, then checks around to make sure no one is looking before he swipes up his Spotify app with a sheepish grin. He sounds good, looks good, but is _he_ good?

 

Changkyun doesn't know, and at this point? He's not about to find out. He's known for his self-restraint. Yoo Kihyun doesn't stand a chance.

 

**

 

It’s on one of his particularly bad days (Jooheon keeps them on a scale of ‘no’ to ‘apocalypse’) (with notable milestones ‘oh please god why’ and ‘I crave death’) when Kihyun has another one of his mini-meltdowns. All Changkyun did was lean in and laugh a little when Wonho whispered something into his ear and now... 

 

He’s not entirely sure what’s going on. Kihyun is kind of the floor but kind of not and there’s an obscene amount of moaning. Whatever it is, he needs to knock it off within the five minutes before they go for the encore. 

 

"Come on, Ki. You know it wasn't anything serious. He and Wonho are on staff together, of course they're gonna talk! They've spoken tons of times before, probably more times than we know." 

 

The frontman lets out a distraught wail. If he loses Changkyun, that’s it- he’s going to eject himself from existence. Yoo Kihyun is cancelled, that’s all folks, it’s been a grand time.

 

“He’s so adorable and smart and snarky, I think I’m gonna die. Hyungwonnie, what am I gonna do? ” Kihyun looks at him with the most pitiful pout like the diva his bandmates called him out for being.

 

“I don’t know, serenade him? You should be asking Minhyuk, I'm not-- hey where are you going?!” 

 

“You’re a genius! I’m gonna do my best and whatever happens, happens!”

 

Kihyun throws his jacket back on, scrambling towards the door, and that should have inspired Hyungwon to run but he's always been much too slow on the draw and only manages to pull himself off the couch in time to yell, 

 

“Wait! Kihyun! I wasn't serious!!!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will fix pacing when I can!


	3. IN LOVE WITH A CAMERA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Lights up? Alright, bring it down."

Minhyuk and Hyungwon huddle close in front of the drumset close to Jooheon and break into the [thunderous opening chords.](https://youtu.be/W1BLo1sSMyA)

 

"Thank you so much for having us, we are The Monsters! We're going to play one more for you folks before we go. I hope you all sing along!!!"

 

_She don't need no one, she runs the world_

 

_She got that lightning, come strike me, girl_

 

_Call out to her she don't hear a word_

 

He looks around in the crowd. Changkyun has to be around here somewhere.

 

_See how she plays up to the lens_

 

_She pretends it's her only friend_

 

_No, it don't tell her any lies, satisfies_

 

_But I can't catch her eye_

 

Jooheon, Minhyuk, and Hyungwon sing the 'OohAohOohoh!' so he can take a deep breath.

 

_She love lookin' at herself_

 

_and she don't need no one else_

 

_If she's in love,_

 

_she's in love with a camera_

 

Kihyun stamps out the beat with one combat boot-clad foot and when he sings he he's shouting his lyrics. He's a demon of the night in ripped up jeans and eyeliner. High notes ring with the pulse of an electric guitar.

 

_She love lookin' at herself_

 

_and she don't need no one else_

 

_If she's in love,_

 

_she's in love with a camera_

 

_Ooh, girl when you love yourself_

 

_and don't want no one else_

 

_She doesn't care_

 

_she's in love with a camera_

 

Kihyun high kicks in Hyungwon's general direction. He's spinning, and it looks like Minhyuk has jumped on top of one of their amps. It's all fun, but his focus is on something else. He wraps the mic cord around his arm.

 

_She keeps me waiting but I don't mind_

 

He really doesn't mind. Kihyun is used to waiting. Ever since the head of the record label called him into his office and introduced him to this scrawny little tech prodigy he's been hooked. There's no going back for him, and that's ok, he'll stay on standby for as long as it takes.

 

_See how she plays up to the lens_

 

Changkyun looks on, indifferent, unaffected because he doesn't see anything besides gains and controls and the crosshairs on a five-inch screen. It's just how his brain works.

 

_It don't tell her any lies, satisfies,_

 

_but I can't catch her eye_

 

_OohAohOohOh!_

 

_She love lookin' at herself_

 

_and she don't need no one else_

 

_If she's in love,_

 

_she's in love with a camera_

 

Changkyun is looking off to the side muttering something into his headset, arms crossed in front of him like a real adult, but he's just a kid like them here in the dark.

 

_She's in love with a camera_

 

He puts his hand down in command and overhead the lights strobe in neon purple blacklight. Kihyun's face has streaks of color flooding down it and onto his shirt. The irises glow an iridescent, deadly orange that disappear when he dips his head back to belt out his notes.

 

_Ooh, girl, when you love yourself_

 

_and don't want nobody else_

 

_She doesn't care, she's in love with a camera_

 

Kihyun dances around the stage as Minhyuk shreds on guitar. He can see Changkyun looking at him with both eyes open, one looking through the camera and the other staring past the eyelet, and the way he's doing it is so infuriating, Kihyun has no idea why, he may never know why, but he wants to go over there and yell at him to knock it off.

 

Fuck it.

 

Fuck everything.

 

He's gonna do it. He's gonna do it right here and right now.

 

Minhyuk's riff quiets as he takes up the piano.

 

"How is everyone feeling tonight?"

 

The crowd swells to a cheer, not even words, just noise.

 

"Fantastic. We're going to make a few minor changes here in the last verse. Sound good?"

 

Again, cheers, approval. He isn't sure how happy they'll be once he does what he's about to do, but that's a problem for the Kihyun ten minutes from now.

 

"Fantastic... 1, 2, 3, 4!"

 

_It's hard when you’re by yourself_

 

Minhyuk re-capos on the fly, Hyungwon's hand slides down.

 

_He doesn't care, he's in love with a camera_

 

_Ooh, boy, keep you for myself_

 

_I don't want nobody else_

 

_Think I'm in love, I'm in love with a camera_

 

Jooheon keeps his beat.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?"

 

_Ooh, what about me?_

 

Minhyuk shakes his head.

"KEEP GOING, FINISH."

 

_In love with a camera!_

 

All the way in the back, Changkyun looks mortified. Kihyun fills his lungs with air and holds onto the last note.  

 

_I'd take my chance_

 

 

_I'm in love!_

 

The vibration of the drums pounds out the last beats.

 

Then, darkness.

 

**

 

The sweat drips off of him in beads, then absorbs into the soft cotton of his shirt. He wipes his forehead with the hem of his shirt so the fans can get a look at his abs. Minhyuk is yelling something, he can't tell what, but he's always been the best at coming up with new and creative ways to thank their audience so he leaves it alone.

 

“Kihyun…. You know I wasn’t serious.”

 

“I know.”

 

All of their staff members are running around like an angry beehive trying to quell the hunger of the media asking if this was Kihyun coming out, and if he was secretly dating someone, and a whole bunch of other things he could care less about. Let them wonder. They can stew in their turmoil for a few days. His smile is short-lived as a furious Changkyun pulls him out into the sound box, an entitled **_MOVE_ **clearing the room in seconds.

 

"This is a PR nightmare." he growls.

 

"I know."

 

"Why."

 

"Because I wanted to. Because I could. I could give you a million reasons."

 

Changkyun looks so beautiful when he's pacing, when he's thinking this hard. He looks beautiful all the time, but especially when he's putting that gifted brain of his to good use.

 

"What you did... Was that directed at me?"

 

Kihyun raises a brow, "Was it?"

 

"It felt like it was."

 

"Did you want it to be?"

 

The pacing stops.

 

Changkyun turns a lovely shade of pink starting from either side of his nose and running down to his cheeks. He emanates a warmth unlike anything Kihyun has ever seen, and he loves it, loves it so much, wants to see it more often. He steps in closer and now Changkyun's eyes are trying to look anywhere but at him, lips trying their best not to smile but failing. Kihyun rakes his fingers through his hair. They're going too fast. Slow it down. Slow dance in an empty room.

 

"Do you want it to be?"

 

Kihyun slots their fingers together.

 

"I wasn't lying. You're it for me. If you would have me, that is. I haven't brought anyone home since Son Shownu brought you in. I couldn't. I didn't need to."

 

"I don't believe you."

 

"I've only got myself to blame for that."

 

"I don't trust you."

 

"I know you don't. But would you give me a chance to show you?"

 

Changkyun closes his eyes. That's the kind of person he is. He burns like a star with exquisite fire, a superstar but not the way he probably thinks. It's intense and it carries over into his writing and his singing and his everyday life. Kihyun is so close now, the anticipation is killing him. Changkyun preipares himself for the arduous task that he just _knows_ will be making out with Kihyun, but it never comes. Instead, he feels pressure in the space where his hair parts.

 

“You would take a chance on me?”


	4. ONE NIGHT ONLY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun is out, but he's not off the hook

They wait for the cue from the stuffy man sweating pools into his polo shirt. Hand up… _wait…_. Hand down, ok, let’s move.

 

“We’d like to welcome back a group intent on a rock revival, please give a warm welcome to The Monsters!”

 

The light blinds him in one eye as he follows behind Minhyuk. They put him on the end of the line so he’d be visible from all angles. Changkyun is probably hiding out in a booth beyond where he can see. Or maybe he’s preparing another venue. Either way, he’s got an eye on them.

 

“Hello, gentlemen. It’s been…. A few months, I think, since we last had you on the show.”

 

“Yes! We’d just finished performing at the fashion show.”

 

“Tell me a little bit about that, how did you hear about the show? Did someone reach out?”

 

Jooheon takes over the ‘it’s a funny story, actually’ act and launches into the whole process of Shin Wonho coming up to them, rather sheepishly, and telling them that Victoria’s Secret had liked ‘Body Talks’ so much that they wanted them to do both the runway and the closer, to which Hyungwon had asked ‘Who is Victoria and what is her secret?”

 

The audience laughs. The interviewer shifts their weight. Here it comes.

 

"Now Kihyun, you've stirred up a bit of trouble with your lyric change."

 

"Social media has been quite loud, yes.” He says with a cordial nod.

 

"What inspired you to do that?"

 

"We focus our music on what we feel and how we want to express it. I may be the front man but there's more to us than that." He keeps an eye on Wonho, intermingled with the audience, scrolling around on his phone for one last proofread. Kihyun says something about how Minhyuk has full control over his solos and performs them how he likes and Hyungwon keeps them on-pitch and Jooheon is the backbone of their albums. He just needs to stall a little longer. Wonho stops scrolling, waits….. then gives him the thumbs up. “Our goal as musicians is to take feelings and put words to them and, hopefully, have people enjoy themselves at the same time.”

 

“Was this your coming out?”

 

Bingo. “Funny you should say that, the official statement should be up by now.”

 

The interview motions for one of their techs to pull up the page for @MNSTRS_official with an eager wave. A block of text appears on the screen behind them.

 

“There it is. I’ll give you the short version while everyone reads. We live in a time where things are changing rapidly, and one of them is the way sexuality is regarded. It isn't perfect, but we're getting there. We shouldn't be afraid of who we like. We should be learning to love and accept ourselves first and foremost. Officially, yes. This is me coming out. ”

 

“As gay?”

 

“As bisexual.”

 

That seems to be a good answer because the audience startles the five of them with the volume of their cheering. Kihyun does the ‘settle down’ motion in an attempt to regain at least a little control.

 

“And the other piece everyone’s dying to have answered, are you currently seeing someone?”

 

“I am not, unfortunately. Still single, hoping to change that, but…. We’ll see.”

 

“Will we get to know who this mystery man is?”

 

“There isn’t anything to talk about. It’s just me having a crush. Keep my fingers crossed and my cards close to my chest.”

 

"Fair enough, fair enough… I’d like to go back a little earlier, when you were mentioning how Minhyuk has creative control during your recordings and your concerts. I was actually going to ask, Minhyuk- tell us a bit about your creative process. You're known for never having the same solo twice when performing your title tracks…"

 

The guitarist takes hold of the conversation with the same kind of grace a horserider would, easing the audience in and then taking off in a different direction to lead the interview exactly where he wanted it. Kihyun spends the next four minutes idly looking for Changkyun. He doesn’t find him. He spends the rest of the interview wondering if he feels more relieved or disheartened by it.

 

**

 

Wonho swings into the space beside him the moment they call 'cut'. He's like a ghost, appearing and disappearing at will. "You're being booked for an appearance."

 

The details aren't important, they'll have a formal sitdown later, but he asks anyway. "Where?"

 

“Doesn’t matter, tell you later.” Their PR’s gaze is trained at something behind him, and Kihyun takes it as his hint to turn.

 

Oh!!!

There he is!!!

Kihyun’s heart is doing rhythmic gymnastics and while that might not be healthy, he doesn’t really care.

 

“Good job out there.” Changkyun still has his dead-eyed stare but this one is paired with a sly smile, not completely in approval but with amusement, he supposes, and that was better than with contempt. "What you said.... it was well-worded." 

 

Kihyun tucks his hands in his pockets to give off the appearance of nonchalance, hiding his heavily sweating palms. "I told you I could be a better man."

 

" _There are no better men_." He says much too quickly in a venom run sour with regret.

 

Neither of them move. It seems like the world moves faster now that they aren't. Or maybe people in their industry have a natural tendency to be hypervigilant and thus are meant to move that quickly. There are many possible reasons why it feels like time is moving too fast and too slow at once. Why he feels a shiver down his spine and sweat at the same time. Changkyun bites his tongue. He waits a long ten seconds to compose himself. 

 

"One good interview won't change my mind."

 

"You thought it was a good interview?" He can see the effect his rhetorical question is having, and Kihyun takes it as a positive. He'll let the cameraman go for now. "As long as my intent came out clear, I'm happy with it. First step on the road to many."

 

**

 

Changkyun briefly considers running back to the safety of his hotel suite, but Wonho had promised to bring legal hell upon Kihyun and Minhyuk, Hyungwon, and Jooheon had simultaneously vouched for their friend’s honor and threatened to castrate him if he so much as looked at him wrong.

 

So the odds are good.

Probably.

 

He checks his phone. _Still 10 minutes until their official meeting time_. He’s been trained to have impeccably time management skills. He’s well respected for his conduct as well as his skill.

 

Minutes tick by. What the hell is he doing? Why did he agree to this in the first place? "One night only", was he some kind of idiot? What if he’s just setting himself up for heartache? Kihyun is his type physically, but he’s seen so much nonverbal bragging that it’s off-putting. He hates self-importance more than anything, and as a celebrity, it seems like there’s an endless supply of it waiting. He doesn’t have the time for that. He doesn’t have the patience. If that’s what this turns out to be, then he’ll be out of there in five minutes flat. And Kihyun will find himself in the company of three very angry bandmates and one vengeful manager. He'll be ok. He's protected. 

 

“Hey!” Kihyun pops up from around a corner, slightly out of breath, a wide smile plastered on his face. 

 

“Hi.”

 

His weight is still supported by the hands placed on his knees, which is unusual for someone with such a powerful voice and a habit if always moving on stage. “Thank you for meeting me! I wasn’t sure if you would.”

 

“Well… what have I got to lose?”

 

“Your sanity, maybe.”

 

“Bold  of you to assume that that’s something I have.” Kihyun puts his arm out, elbow perfectly crooked.

 

 _Like a real gentleman_ his mind supplies.

 

“Shall we go?”

 

“Do I get to know where?”

 

“There’s a boardwalk in town where the street food vendors line up. I was thinking we could go and try some things, take a walk, enjoy the city.”

 

“You don’t keep many secrets.”

 

“I don’t want to throw something your way and have you not enjoy it. It’s a drive and a half to get there, so it wouldn’t be good to have you sit through traffic just to be somewhere you don’t like. The point is to enjoy yourself.”

 

“‘Enjoying the city’... Do you have any places in mind?”

 

He flashes a devious smile that makes his heart wind with the thrill of excitement, “Getting lost is half the fun.”

 

**

 

Changkyun keeps his hands on top of his knees and his knees together in the car. He exudes composure even here, off duty. Kihyun needs to change that, first and foremost.

 

"Since I'm driving, why don't you pick out music?" Kihyun hands him his phone and switches to driving with one hand instead, and thought Changkyun would never admit it out loud, the look of calmness looks good on him. The pulls onto the highway- it's getting late. The evening sun casts a bold yellow shadow on him dappled in the frame of a bridge. He plays Queen, something non-offensive just to get started. Slowly, slowly, he eases into more subdued tones; the easy melodies of [The 1975](https://youtu.be/cG00L0zUoe4), the mellow bass of [No Rome](https://youtu.be/eS1KR8gAzXI). He lets the music play, and he doesn't realize he's started to drift off to sleep until he hears that they're back at the beginning of the album. Changkyun presses the power button. 

 

"Oh-! Your um... it's locked."  

 

"Let me?" Kihyun keeps his eyes on the road and lets the fingerprint sensor on the back on his phone do the work. "There."

 

Changkyun grabs hold with both hands, a quick 'thank you' in return for control over the music. Their hands touch, briefly, and he would have sworn that he saw a genuine smile on Kihyun's face if he were not so invested in looking anywhere but the other man's face. 

 

**

 

Going on a date is probably the most unintentionally useful thing for him. He’s got four more date ideas (if Changkyun agrees of course) (please let him agree to another date) (his fingers are actually crossed. That has to count for something, right?) that's he's 88% sure he'll like. The botanical garden near their next stop seems like it would be right up Changkyun's alley, he's bubbling with excitement.

 

The walk up the stairs to the third floor seems much too short, and they dally as though they won't see each other in an eternity even though Kihyun is literally one floor up and down a couple rooms. Or maybe it's just him seeing things that aren't there, things that he wants to be there. “This one is you?”

 

“Yes. Thank you for walking me all the way back. You didn’t have to.”

 

“But I wanted to. I come from a traditional family, so of course I would. Plus I got to hear your opinion about snails.” Changkyun visibly shudders at the thought of snails. Just... snails.

…

_Eugh._

 

“Thank you again for taking me out. I had a good time.”

 

“Great! I’m glad.” Kihyun wants to ask so badly what his odds are, but doesn’t in favor of bowing slightly and saying, “I'll let you go. Sleep well.”

 

Kihyun starts walking away, and it's pitiful really, how his reluctance shows so clearly. Changkyun bites his lip. Things went better than he expected. Kihyun is loud, yes, and he likes being the center of attention, but he doesn't live like it's the only thing that matters. He's sweet, like a dream, like a gunmetal black exterior hiding a soft core of gold. A bad boy who will only be good for his sweetheart. There were no surprises and it wasn't difficult by any means to talk to him. If anything he wants to get to know him more. One more night couldn't hurt... _Say something. Say something. Say something._

 

“Hey Kihyun?”

 

The man turns on his heels.

“I had a good time. We should do it again.” Kihyun looks like he’s just won the lottery. Not that he'll let him have the satisfaction of knowing. 

 

"Definitely! I would love to take you out again. Have a good night!"

Changkyun closes the door in a still-happily-stunned Kihyun’s face.

 

“Good night.”


	5. EPILOGUE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midnight shows are the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CK behind a camera mounted in the air is the coolest concept and no one can tell me otherwise.

“Oh my god! _Yes_! Give it to me!” Changkyun grabs the tape out of Kihyun’s hand with the exasperated sigh of someone who’s patience has snapped. "So stubborn for no reason…"

 

They don’t have time for this. They’re going to be late if they don’t start walking towards the stage this very second. Changkyun tears of a piece as they walk and still manages to secure the wire to Kihyun's microphone perfectly.

 

"Thanks, babe!!" He blows a cheeky kiss, picking up pace so he can be out in front. He can see Jooheon let out the breath he’d been holding even from down the hall.

 

“I can’t believe you two! We have to go on in less than five minutes!” he hisses.

 

“Don’t look at me, I’m not even part of the crew this round.” Kihyun sends him a murderous glare for throwing him under the bus. “I made sure my people were ready before I came to fetch you.”

 

“When are you from, the 1930’s? Who says ‘fetch’ anymore.”

 

“I do, now get moving or else Shownu is going to have your head.”

 

“Oh no, not Shownu!” Kihyun says with fake-horror and hands lightly flailing, “Not the softest human on the planet!”

 

“But he writes both your and my checks~” Changkyun raises his hands in half-mockery, then hipchecks Kihyun.

 

As much as he enjoys watching the two of them happily flailing on one another, Hyungwon clears his throat louder than necessary to bring them back to the present. “Can we do this sometime later? Like… literally any other time later?”

 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do!”

 

“You two are impossible.” Jooheon grapples with the frontman before he can go back to prodding his boyfriend. "Thank you for getting him. We’ll see you in a few hours"

 

It takes the combined force of Jooheon and Minhyuk to make it to the edge of the stage. Changkyun stays off to the side to wave then off like a navy wife waving at a ship.

 

"No problem. See you at the warehouse!"

 

The echoey feedback of the television host introduces them, and they step onto the stage. Kihyun glances back one last time before he’s taken away by the cheers.

_It's just another day in the life._

Changkyun goes back to his car.

 

**

 

The bodies of closely-clustered buildings blend into the rest of the bleak weather like a watercolor painting. Sunrise is on its way. The bridge isolates the cityscape making it seem like they’re outsiders looking in, which they are, Kihyun supposes, though he imagines that in a place like this, they aren't alone in that regard. It doesn’t feel like another day, just a continuation of the last. The transition from leaving the runway to heading underground to the bus to heading straight to the production house has left them dizzy. It’s the first time they’ve seen daylight in….

 

He counts on his fingers, loses count, counts again, then again. He lets out a frustrated sigh.

_Midnight live talk shows are the worst._

 

The van rumbles onto a gravel drive in the middle of nowhere, a 40-foot tall building the only thing around for miles. Minhyuk stumbles out of the van, a sleepy Jooheon under his arm, followed by Hyungwon and finally Kihyun. The door to the warehouse opens to reveal almost an entire house with one side left open. There are people painting interiors and others decorating and still others stringing up lights. The theme is something related to everyday life and monotony, like a ‘Once in a Lifetime’ homage, but he lost a few brain cells on the way over and didn’t get the full gist of the shoot. It doesn’t matter, someone is whisking them aside already, running through who’s going to be doing what in which room. They station him between three maroon walls and tell him to stay there, don’t move.

 

Kihyun looks at each pod of workers below. Where--

 

"Morning, sleepyhead." 

 

A camera on a gyroscope and a weary-looking cameraman glide into place in front of him, supported by a hydraulic arm perched atop a dolly on the ground. “Good job last night.”

 

“Was it a good interview?”

 

“Mmmmmm….” Changkyun taps at his jaw, looking up as though he were thinking hard but Kihyun knows he isn’t, he gives the same answer each time. “Not bad.”

 

He puts his hands out to his side, palm facing up, shrugging. “I’ll take it.” 

 

“Director is here. Producer too. They're both chomping at the bit. They’re going to call ‘action’ any minute now.” In reciprocation, Changkyun leans in. His elbow rests on the knee still on the stand; his other stays rooted on the floor of the basket. 

 

“They can wait.”

 

“They really can’t.” He keeps himself just out of reach, like music drifting through the air, moving to the other side of the room. Kihyun follows. He would follow him anywhere.

 

"Hey," he starts. Changkyun steps down from his seat and walks to the edge of the basket. His arms rest on the railing, hands folded together, nonchalant. He leans in to meet Kihyun’s crooked finger beckoning him forward, "I love you."

 

With a hand resting on the back of his neck, Kihyun kisses up into him, sweet, desperate. There are more events he needs to attend, more obligations. It’ll be a long time before they can have a moment to themselves, a breath of silence in the static, a moment where they can enjoy each other’s company. Until then, he’ll take every moment he can get.

 

"I love you too. Go,” Changkyun says through a dimpled smile. He steps backwards, back onto his rig, right behind his camera, hoisted up high, regal like he was meant to be.

 

“I'll be watching."

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is timed so you can listen to the song and read at the same time! Play the song in the back as you go :)
> 
> Fixing errors as I find them!


End file.
